Beautiful Stormy Night in the Ohio Valley

There's nothing like a stormy summer night in the Ohio Valley. The sweet smell of rain fills the cool night air, flashes of lightning brighten the September night sky, and the sound of thunder is rumbling along the Ohio River.  It is so peaceful and serene. 

I remember when I was young, my mom, my sisters, and I would sit on the front porch and watch the storms, counting how long between the lightning flashes and the thunder to figure out his far away the lightning was. I can't begin to count how many times we jumped out of our skin because of how loud the thunder was and soon after the lightning. Oh, how I miss those days.

My mom always told me that the thunder was the Angels bowling in Heaven, and the big booms were when one bowled a strike. She also said that the pouring rain is an Angel's tears falling from Heaven fire someone they love. Now, I think of her every time there's a storm since she's become an Angel in Heaven watching over my family.

Now, I get to sit here with my two youngest children, watch the storms, and share some things with them that their grandmother they never got to meet shared with me as a child. It's the little moments like this that they will remember. (We'll discuss my homemade grill moment another time... haha).

Things Happen in Unexpected Places

Today went a little better than yesterday. This morning I woke myself crying uncontrollably in my sleep because of a dream I was having. After mentally calming myself down, the shaking began to subside. I made myself a cup of coffee and watched the news, then went about the things I had to do for the day. I was doing my best to not let things get to me today and succeeded for the most part.

After volunteering at my child’s school, I went home to help them with homework. Before going to Boy Scouts, I realized that we needed something from the store. Typically, I would go before going to Scouts, but my children and I didn’t make it out the door in time because we were finishing homework. On our way home, we stopped at the dollar store. This is where an unexpected incident happened.

I was waiting in line to check out. There was a gentleman in line who let another lady and myself go ahead of him. The lady in front of me was talking with the lady in front of her as well as the cashier, and I ended up in the conversation somehow. I had never seen these women before in my life. We started talking about a medical disorder, I said something about me having medical experience and understanding what they meant, and things just went from there. This is where I don’t understand how things went from one topic to another.

After both ladies had checked out, the lady immediately in front of me continued to talk. We talked about so much in just those few minutes. The lady introduced herself to me and asked what I currently do (for work). I told her that I am between jobs right now and doing freelance writing and other odd jobs. This is when she told me that she can connect me with someone who may be able to help me and told me to contact her. We talked for a few more minutes in the front of the store, and even through the parking lot as we were walking to our vehicles. The conversation went to various unrelated topics throughout those few short minutes. It was strange, but it felt as though it was meant to be.

I feel as though I was meant to go to that particular store this evening, as it is not a typical stop on my way home. She even made the same comment about it being meant for her as well. I can’t wait to call her tomorrow and see where this goes. I guess never underestimate an unexpected trip to the store because you just never know what will happen.

It's Christmas Time Again

Christmas is here once again, but I just can't find my spirit this year. It's getting more difficult each day to put smile and act as though I'm alright. I wake up, I cry. In the middle of the day for no apparent reason, I cry. I lay down at night, I cry. I am missing so much in my life and there's nothing I can do to get it back. I just want one more Christmas hug from my Mom. Twenty plus years later and it STILL gets the best of me at times. I guess that's because a mother's love never dies, it just comes from Heaven.
So many loved ones in heaven, but it's my mom I miss the most today. I'm so tired of people saying that I'll get over it with time. Losing her is something I will NEVER get over. So many unresolved issues, so much left unsaid and undone, so much I wish I would have listened to, but I had dealt with so much already. I was already lonely because I knew I was losing her too. No, I can't go back in time and change anything. No, nothing I can do will bring back those lost moments we should have had together. I know all of this. This year it's just tearing me up something awful for some reason and I have absolutely no idea why.
If I could have just one hour with my Mom for Christmas, there is so much I would say and do. I would hug her and tell her how much I love her. I would show her pictures of and tell get all about her grandsons which she never got to meet. I would thank her for all she ever did for me. I would give her the best gift I could find.
My children know why Mommy gets sad this time of year and they do their best to make me smile. I love them for being the caring boys they have become, even after all they have been through. I know that my Mom had been with me, feeling me guide them in the right direction. I can't thank her enough for that.
MERRY CHRISTMAS IN HEAVEN, MOM! I LOVE YOU💖